The Evolution of Klaine Etcetera: Facebook Style
by KlaineOnTheBrain
Summary: Facebook fic, covering RIB's canon starting with Silly Love Songs. Heavily features The Warblers and Klaine. Please don't shoot me for hopping on the Facebook bandwagon, I simply couldn't resist.
1. Silly Love Songs

**Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson **and **12 others **are attending the event **The Warblers Gap Attack**

**_Blaine Anderson_ **likes this.

**Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman **wtf is a gap attack

**Wes Leung **Sorry, but this is top secret information. The Warblers and everything the Warblers do is strictly confidential.

**Santana Lopez **Wanky ;)

**Rachel 'Goldstar' Berry** I can't help but feel intrigued about this event. What is this Gap Attack?

**Wes Leung **We cannot tell you, it is confidential.

**Jeff Nicholls **wtf, Wes, no it's not. Blaine wants to get into some dude's pants so we're putting on this extremely suggestive musical number in his workplace. Yeah, don't ask.

**Santana Lopez **omg WANKY! ;)

**Kurt Hummel **I have a bad feeling about this...

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>is attending the event **The Warblers Gap Attack**

**Thad Scott **WTF!

**Wes Leung **You cannot attend! This event is strictly Warblers only and is private!

**Santana Lopez **Well tell me one thing, other other Asian. If it's so private, why are you preppies having this orgy in public?

**Blaine Anderson **Um...it's not an orgy, I'm simply serenading someone for Valentine's day.

**Santana Lopez **Oh...then I take back my 'wanky'.

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>is no longer attending the event **The Warblers Gap Attack.**

* * *

><p><strong>Wes Leung <strong>would like to know why he has been nicknamed 'Other Other Asian'?

_**Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman, Santana Lopez **and **18 others** like this_

**Tina 'Asian' Cohen-Chang **Because I'm Asian.

**Mike 'Other Asian' Chang **And I'm Other Asian :)

**Santana Lopez **therefore, you are 'Other Other Asian'

_**24 people **like this_

**Wes Leung **...k...

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>is still in his pyjamas, eating Ben & Jerry's and watching depressingly romantic movies while being somewhat miserable.

**Mercedes 'Tater-Tots' Jones **OMG white boy. We need to have words.

**Rachel 'Gold Star' Berry** Kurt. My house. Sleepover. NOW.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>is about to head off to GAP with the Warblers to serenade Jeremiah. Wish me luck.

**Mercedes 'Tater-Tots' Jones **I wish you all the luck in the world, white boy *crosses fingers*

**Blaine Anderson **?

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>has never felt this humiliated in my entire life.

**_Kurt Hummel, Mercedes 'Tater Tots' Jones, _**_and _**_Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung _**_likes this._

**Thad Scott **I knew this was Gap Attack thing going to be a failure right from the start.

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **I concur.

**Jeff Nicholls **LMAO dude you got _rejected! _

**Blaine Anderson **:(

**Blaine Anderson **Kurt, why did you like this? I thought you supported the whole serenading thing.

**Kurt Hummel **I did! But seriously, Blaine? Of all the songs you could have picked, you choose 'When I Get You Alone' by Robin Thicke? _And _in a public place?

_**23 people **like this_

**Blaine Anderson **So? What's wrong with that song?

**Thad Scott ***sniggers*

**Kurt Hummel **The. Song. Mentions. Sex. Toys. Blaine.

**Blaine Anderson **oh shit...

_**123 people **like this._

**Jeff Nicholls **Seriously, Blaine? You memorized the entire lyrics to the song but never even stopped to think about what the lyrics meant?

**Blaine Anderson **I thought it was a nice song :(

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **LOL fail

**Blaine Anderson **Shut up, Wes.

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung ***bangs gavel*

**Kurt Hummel **Sorry Wes, but your gavel is ineffective over Facebook.

**_Blaine Anderson _**likes this

* * *

><p><strong>Trent Daniels <strong>posted a video: **The Warbler's Gap Attack 2011**

**_34 _**_people like this_

**Kurt Hummel **Wait, we were being filmed? I don't remember seeing any cameras...

**Blaine Anderson **OMG NOW MY HUMILIATION IS ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. TAKE THIS DOWN RIGHT NOW, TRENT!

**Trent Daniels **No.

**Blaine Anderson **_Pleeeeeeassseeee! _*gets down on knees and begs*

**Santana Lopez **Wanky!

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>wants to crawl under a rock for 20 years.

_**Mercedes 'Tater-Tots' Jones, David Smith **and **Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung** likes this_

**Kurt Hummel **Oh, you poor baby. Why don't you come over to my house?

**Blaine Anderson **Sure, be there in ten ;)

**Burt Hummel **No funny business!

**Mercedes 'Tater-Tots' Jones **We wish...

_**108 people **like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>is watching _When Harry Met Sally _with **Kurt Hummel **:)

**Kurt Hummel **:)

**Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman **Get some, Hummel!

_**342 people **like this_


	2. Blame It On The Alcohol

**Rachel 'Gold Star' Berry **created the event **'The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza'**

**Rachel 'Gold Star' Berry **I'm still not entirely sure why I was asked to call it this...

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson, Santana Lopez <strong>and **12 others **are attending the event '**The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza'**

**Rachel 'Gold Star' Berry **Omigosh, I am so excited! I have never had this many party guests before!

**Santana Lopez **Whatever, hobbit. There'd better be alcohol.

**Rachel 'Gold Star' Berry **Of course. I have a mini wine cooler!

**Santana Lopez **Okay, Yentl, you have _got _to be kidding me. You expect us all to get drunk off your douchey little wine cooler? That's not nearly enough. Trouty Mouth could consume that much in a minute.

**Sam Evans **Trouty mouth?

**Santana Lopez **That's you.

_**14 people **like this_

**Sam Evans **:( Why do I feel like this entire relationship is built on insults?

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>and **Blaine Anderson **are attending** 'The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza'**

**Santana Lopez **Yay, the sexy hobbit is attending!

**Brittany S. Pierce **don't be silly, santana. Blaine isnt a hobbit he's a dolphin.

**Santana Lopez **Really, Brits, cuz he looks like a hobbit to me.

**Brittany S. Pierce **no he's a dolphin cause gay sharks are dolphins :)

**Santana Lopez **Really, because the way I see it, the guy is like, three foot tall, which makes him a hobbit.

**Brittany S. Pierce **he can be a hobbit-dolphin.

_**Kurt Hummel **likes this_

**Santana Lopez **Sexiest hobbit-dolphin EVER!

**Blaine Anderson **Do I even know you people?

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob Ben Israel <strong>is attending **The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza**

**Rachel 'Gold-Star' Berry **What the hell! You're not invited!

**Jacob Ben Israel **I just wanna get laid...

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>has just arrived at **The Rachel Berry House Party Trainwreck Extravaganza **with **Blaine Anderson**. There's three bottles of liqueur, a stack of Barbra Streisand CD's, and Rachel is wearing a ghastly, hideous dress which looks like something out of a horror film. I can tell that this party is going to be a blast... **via iPhone**

* * *

><p><strong>Artie Abrams <strong>Now we're feelin' so fly like a G6 (8) **via iPhone**

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>everyone at this party is totally smashed, and I'm just sat here not drinking cuz I'm supposed to be the responsible designated driver. Also, **Rachel Berry** won't stop leaning all over me giggling. FML. v**ia Blackberry**

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>000mmggzzz dis partay is OFF THE HOOK!11111 **via iPhone**

_**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **and **David Smith **like this._

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **Oh my god. Well-mannered, dapper Blaine is _drunk. _Why wasn't I invited to this party?

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>hhasss juust planted onee on **Blaine Anderson. **Hiss face tastes AWESOMEE.

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung. **Oh my god. Blaine's kissed a girl. He's more out of it than I thought.

**David Smith **WHY AM I NOT AT THIS PARTY! SOME THINGS JUST NEED TO BE WITNESSED.

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>is angry because **Brittany S. Pierce **just kissed my boyfriend.

**Kurt Hummel **You mean, you're angry because your boyfriend kissed Brittany Pierce.

**Santana Lopez **Touché, lady lips.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>just woke up in a mysterious bed with a hangover... **via iPhone**

_**45 people **like this. _

**Kurt Hummel **You're in my bed, Blaine. By the way, these vomit stains are taking forever to scrub off the toilet...

**Burt Hummel **Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, we need to talk. Now.

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel 'Gold-Star' Berry <strong>is hungover.

**Santana Lopez **Me too.

**Quinn 'FuturePromQueen' Fabray **Same...

**Tina 'Asian' Cohen-Chang **I think I'm gonna barf.

**Mike 'Other Asian' Chang **I am never touching alcohol again

**Artie Abrams **Me neither, yo...

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>cannot believe **Blaine Anderson.**

**Blaine Anderson **I don't know what your problem is!

**Kurt Hummel **my problemis that the out-and-proud person I admire is sneaking back into the freakin' closet!

**Blaine Anderson **Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were biphobic.

**Kurt Hummel **I'm not...oh god you're being so frustrating right now.

**Santana Lopez **Wanky?

**Kurt Hummel **OH GOD SANTANA JUST GO AWAY THAT ANNOYING WANKY THING ISN'T EVEN APLLICABLE TO THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW.

**Santana Lopez **Chillax, Hummel...

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>is on a date with the very cute **Blaine Anderson **;)

**Kurt Hummel **PM me NOW, Berry!

_**14 people **like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry<strong>

I honestly don't see what your problem is, Kurt.

**Kurt Hummel **

Blaine is GAY!

**Rachel Berry**

Bisexual.

**Kurt Hummel**

I can't believe you saw how heartbroken I was after the whole Jeremiah incident, and now you're actually letting it happen again!

**Rachel Berry**

Fine. I'll kiss him sober. And when I do, I'll prove to you once and for all that Blaine is _bisexual. _Who knows, maybe I'll get a boyfriend out of this!

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>is 100% gay.

_**Kurt Hummel **likes this_

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **Oh thank god. You had us all worried.

**David Smith ** Whew. I was just planning a heartfelt funeral for your homosexuality.

**Kurt Hummel **Do I even need to say it?

**Blaine Anderson **No.

**Kurt Hummel **Well, I'm saying it anyway. I told you so. :)

_**43 people like this **_

**Blaine Anderson **:(

**Brittany S. Pierce **I prefer you as a dolphin :)

_**Kurt Hummel likes this**_

**Blaine Anderson **...


	3. Sexy

**Brittany S. Pierce **okay i'm confused. Am I pregnant or not?

_**45 people **like this_

**Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman **LOL

**Artie Abrams **don't worry, baby, you're not pregnant.

**Brittany S Pierce **so my baby died? :(

**Santana Lopez **Brits, honey, you didn't miscarry. You were never pregnant.

**Brittany S. Pierce **But I wanted a baby! I was going to name it Artittany and feed it hot cheese and it could have been friends with Lord Tubbington :(

_**87 people **like this_

**Tina 'Asian' Cohen-Chang **Babies can't eat fondue...

**Brittany S. Pierce **They can if they're on Atkins.

**Kurt Hummel **Wow. You can't seem to be able to leave McKinley for one minute without missing the latest pregnancy scandal.

_**103 people **like this_

**Kurt Hummel **seriously, though. Can someone PM me about this?

**Blaine Anderson **Oh god, Kurt, I love your friends.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel <strong>and **10 **others are attending **The Warblers Warehouse Sexy Shindig**_

**Kurt Hummel **Oh god, who even names all these Warbler events? They're embarrassing.

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung ***raises hand sheepishly*

**Kurt Hummel **Shindig? You made it sound like a bingo party at an old folk's home.

_**Blaine Anderson **likes this. _

**Kurt Hummel **And remind me why the word 'warehouse' is used?

**Blaine Anderson **Because we're doing our 'sexy' performance in the Westerville Warehouse.

**Trent Daniels **You mean that abandoned warehouse? D:

**Blaine Anderson **Yes...

**Jeff Nicholls **OMG I'm not going!

**Blaine Anderson **Why?

**Jeff Nicholls **Because it's haunted by ghosts, ghouls and demons, and legend has it that if you go in there, the door will slam shut, you will go through unimaginable torture and your skeleton will lie in the warehouse FOREVER.

**Blaine Anderson **did I mention we're bringing a foam machine?

**Jeff Nicholls **OMG FOAM! :D

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jeff Nicholls <strong>is attending **The Warblers Warehouse Sexy Shindig**_

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>still thinks that there's nothing sexy about the word 'shindig'.

**Blaine Anderson **I second that.

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **It was a perfectly justifiable attempt at using alliteration.

**Blaine Anderson **We're not trying to make a tongue twister, Wes. We're trying to get our 'sexy' on for Regionals.

**Santana Lopez **Wanky alert!

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **Santana, kindly go and wank somewhere else. We're having an important, confidential Warblers discussion here!

**Santana Lopez **You're no fun.

* * *

><p><strong>Lauren Zizes <strong>to **Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman **Puck, we have a problem. Every time I upload our sex tape to YouTube, the monitors keep removing the damn video.

**Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman **Damn.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>Finn is refusing to eat his dinner tonight. Somehow he has acquired the idea that cucumbers can give you aids.

_**98 people **like this_

**Finn Hudson **dude, it's legit! I learnt about it in Sex Ed!

**Kurt Hummel **Sure you did.

**Finn Hudson **Dude, can you bring me my warm milk now? :D

**Kurt Hummel **Not until you eat your dinner.

**Finn Hudson **there's no way I'm going anywhere near those cucumbers.

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel 'Gold-Star' Berry <strong>All this talk about sex on my Home Feed! I hope that some of you are obliged to join Celibacy Club with me and **Quinn 'FuturePromQueen' Fabray**!

**Quinn 'FuturePromQueen' Fabray **please leave me out of this.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>is back from **The Warblers Warehouse Sexy Shindig**. I'd say that went pretty well.

**Thad Scott **Except for Kurt's sexy faces LOL

_**45 people **like this._

**Kurt Hummel **:( I don't see what was wrong with my facial expressions.

**Jeff Nicholls **you looked like you had constipation.

**Trent Daniels **you looked like a **hyena** ready to pounce on its prey and devour it.

**Santana Lopez **you looked like a perverted Rampardos with a bad case of the derps.

**Trent Daniels **Santana, you weren't even _there. _

**Santana Lopez **I know, but I will never pass up an opportunity to insult someone.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>is feeling sad and unsexy :(

**Blaine Anderson **if you want, I can come over to your place and give you sexy lessons?

_**Santana Lopez **likes this_

**Kurt Hummel **fine :/

**Santana Lopez **I refuse to believe that these two are not screwing each other.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>Oh my Gaga, that was embarrassing. My dad just gave me the sex talk.

_**45 people **like this_

**Noah 'Sex-Shark' Puckerman **LMAO

**Blaine Anderson **I hope you found the experience enlightening.

**Kurt Hummel **Wait a minute, isn't it a coincidence how my dad gave me 'the talk' just one day after the whole sexy debacle?

**Jeff Nicholls **Uh-oh, Blaine, he's onto you!

**Kurt Hummel **Oh my god, Blaine you didn't talk to my dad, did you?

**Blaine Anderson ***runs*

**Kurt Hummel **BLAINE! How dare you! :(

**Finn Hudson **Lol, you'd better watch out, Blaine, before Kurt finds you and hurls his post-sex-talk toast at you!

**Kurt Hummel **FINN YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!

**Finn Hudson **o.O

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel 'Gold-Star' Berry <strong>would like to talk to **Quinn 'FuturePromQueen' Fabray **regarding the hickey on her neck, if she would please stop ignoring my chat messages.

**Quinn 'FuturePromQueen' Fabray **OMG I ALRADY TOLD YOU I BURNED MYSELF WITH A CURLING IRON.

**_45 people _**_like this_

**Wes 'Other Other Asian' Leung **lol, I don't even know you and I don't believe that.

* * *

><p><strong>Burt Hummel <strong>to **Kurt Hummel **You matter, Kurt. Remember that.

_**234 people **like this. _

**Kurt Hummel **Oh god, dad. Not on my Facebook wall! :(


	4. Original Song

**Quinn Fabray **Like this status if you're voting Quinn Fabray for prom queen!

**Quinn Fabray **Hello? Why isn't anyone liking this status?

**Quinn Fabray **Guys?

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn Fabray <strong>to **Finn Hudson **I don't think we're getting enough votes for Prom King and Queen! You need to put up more posters around the school!

**Finn Hudson **But I've already put posters on every bulletin board, every classroom, every corridor, and in the gym, the locker rooms, the choir room and the cafeteria. I think I've handed out fliers to everyone in the school and Figgins is begging me to stop using the photocopying machine

**Quinn Fabray **Do you want to win Prom King or not?

**Finn Hudson **Not really

**Quinn Fabray **OMG! PM me now. We need to have a serious talk.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>So scared of breakin' it, that you won't let it bend...(8)

**Wes Leung **I wrote two hundred letters I will never send!

**Jeff Nicholls **Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem!

**Nick Parker **You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be!

**Trent Daniels **So let me be, and I'll set you free

**Blaine Anderson **I AM IN MISERY! There ain't nobody who can comfort me!

**Blaine Anderson **Come on Kurt, join in!

**Kurt Hummel **No thanks, I'm studying.

**Blaine Anderson **Buzz kill.

**Kurt Hummel **Attention whore.

**Trent Daniels **Don't you just love our Klaine fights?

**Thad Scott **They seem to be in a new argument every week.

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>Only child, only child, only child...I'm the only Berry on my family tree!

**Santana Lopez **Please, Berry, save your depressing suicidal rants for your diary.

**Rachel Berry **Actually it's a song. Which I wrote.

**Santana Lopez **Oh, please. I could write a better song in my sleep. With my hands tied behind my back. While jumping on a pogo stick.

**Rachel Berry **I'd like to see you try!

**Santana Lopez **I already have. It's a love song. A *heterosexual* love song. About Sam. Not Brittany. Sam.

**Sam Evans **Really? :D

**Santana Lopez **Well...it's actually about your mouth.

**Sam Evans **DISLIKE.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>practising my do-wopping skills for Regionals. This is putting such a huge strain on my extremely limited talent.

**Blaine Anderson **Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

**Kurt Hummel **Oh, you detect a lot of sarcasm.

**Trent Daniels **Kurt, all you have to do is say 'Jenga' over and over again. It's not rocket science.

_**48 people **like this_

**Kurt Hummel **Neither was my use of sarcasm.

**Jeff Nicholls **Does anyone know why we're using the word 'Jenga?' I don't see how the word 'jenga' can possibly be associated with _Raise Your Glass_ by Pink.

**Blaine Anderson **It was Thad's idea.

**Thad Scott **What? I like Jenga!

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>thanks to **Noah Puckerman**, I can't get that Big Ass Heart song out of my head.

_**Noah Puckerman likes this**_

**Noah Puckerman **It's a good song, ain't it?

**Finn Hudson **No.

**Noah Puckerman **dude, just because I got your girlfriend pregnant then made out with your other girlfriend doesn't mean you have to bash my song.

**Santana Lopez **No, Finn's right. That song was awful. Trouty Mouth was way better.

**Rachel Berry **I for one would like to know why everyone seems to be writing songs about oversized body parts.

_**13 people **like this_

**Mercedes Jones **Wait till you guys hear my original song :)

**Santana Lopez **Let me guess, your song is about respect, black pride, weaves and tater tots.

**Mercedes Jones **How'd you know?

**Satana Lopez **Auntie 'Tana knows all.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>has just finished rehearsing :D

**Jeff Nicholls **Does anyone else have a _really _strong urge to play Jenga after that rehearsal?

**Nick Parker **OMG, I thought I was the only one!

**Wes Leung **It seems that we have accidentally embedded subliminal messages into our performance.

**Thad Scott **Whoops.

**Jeff Nicholls **Who's up for a game of Jenga in the choir room? :D

_**13 people** like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>RIP Pavarotti, 2010-2011 :'(

**Finn Hudson **OMG, did a member of the Warblers die? Is Pavarotti the one you're always talking about?

**Kurt Hummel **Finn, you're such an idiot. Why would one of the Warblers be born in 2010? Pavarotti was a bird.

**Finn Hudson **Oh, my bad...

**Trent Daniels **Kurt, your impromptu eulogy performance of 'Blackbird' was deeply moving.

**Thad Scott **We were all very moved by it.

**Jeff Nicholls **Except Blaine. He was smirking all the way through the song.

**Blaine Anderson **I wasn't smirking! …Was I?

**Jeff Nicholls **You looked like a gassy infant.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>is bedazzling Pavarotti's casket with rhinestones :'( **via iPhone**

**Finn Hudson **really? Isn't that a bit much for a bird?

_**23 people **like this _

**Kurt Hummel **he wasn't JUST a bird! He was a symbol of Dalton Academy Warblers, a representation of love of music!

**Thad Scott **Actually, Kurt, he was just a bird.

_**50 people **like this._

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>I've finally found you, my missing puzzle piece...I'm complete (8)

_**Kurt Hummel likes this**_

**Wes Leung **Hold up! Kurt Hummel liked a status referencing Katy Perry?

**David Smith **Someone must have hacked his account...

**Kurt Hummel **:)) 3

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>is in a relationship with **Blaine Anderson**

_**240 people **like this _

**David Smith **….or maybe that happened

**Mercedes Jones **OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG WHITE BOY CALL ME RIGHT NOW!

**Jeff Nicholls **Finally! I've been waiting for this for, like, four months!

**Nick Parker **Four months, two weeks and eight days!

**Thad Scott **I totally ship Klaine!

**Mercedes Jones **KURT sefdnkjfdsefdn CALL ME NOW!

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>to **Kurt Hummel **you were amazing in Candles 3

**Kurt Hummel **No, you were better :) 3

**Blaine Anderson **No, you were! 3

**Kurt Hummel **No, you were! 3

**Nick Parker **Can't we all just agree that my do-wopping knocked the whole thing out of the park?

* * *

><p><strong>Mercedes Jones <strong>would likes to congratulate **Kurt Hummel **on getting a boyfriend! Congrats, white boy!

**Rachel Berry **I think they're sweet together :)

**Tina Cohen-Chang **I know, they're so cute!

**Noah Puckerman ***throws up*

**Rachel Berry **Oh, shut it Puckerman. We all know you were an emotional wreck during Candles.

_**45 people **like this_


	5. Night of Neglect

**Kurt Hummel **misses New Directions :/

**Jeff Nicholls **DISLIKE!

**Trent Daniels **NOO Kurt! Don't leave us!

**Nick Parker ***grabs your leg* don't leeeeeeeeaaveee!

**Jeff Nicholls **The Warblers is boring without you!

**Wes Leung **Silence! *bangs gavel*

**Kurt Hummel **Wes, you are not holding a formal Warblers meeting on my status.

**Wes Leung **Oh. Sorry.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany S. Pierce <strong>is looking at college brochures. Why can't I major in cat diseases?

_**Artie Abrams **and **14 others **like this_

**Mercedes Jones **Woah, hold up. You can read?

_**99 people **like this_

**Brittany S. Pierce **it's been going uphill ever since Mr. Shoe taught me the alphabet

**Quinn Fabray **I think college is the least of your worries right now, Brittany.

**Brittany S. Pierce **I'm hoping to get accepted into harvard next year.

_**Santana Lopez **likes this_

**Quinn Fabray **Forget Harvard. With any luck, they might let you repeat the fourth grade.

**Santana Lopez **Hey Juno, back off Britts afore I ends you!

* * *

><p><strong>Mike Chang <strong>is so sick of being ignored.

_**Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams **and **Brittany S. Pierce **like this_

**Lauren Zizes **Who are you, anyway?

_**18 people **like this_

**Mike Chang **Um...Mike Chang...

**Lauren Zizes **…

**Mike Chang **…

**Lauren Zizes **...nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

**Mike Chang **Remember me? I'm the dancing Asian? The one with the abs? Can't sing?

**Lauren Zizes **dude, I'm sorry. I don't think I know you.

**Mike Chang **What the hell? I'm in glee club! I have been in glee club for nearly two years! Why does no-one remember me?

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Mike's the one who is dating me, if that helps...

**Lauren Zizes **I'm sorry, who are you?

_**16 people** like this_

**Tina Cohen-Chang ***asian facepalm*

**Mike Chang **Forget about it, baby. Let's go get some dim sum.

* * *

><p><strong>Will Schuester <strong>created the event **Night of Neglect**

**Brittany S. Pierce **mr. shoe?

**Will Schuester **...Yes, Brittany?

**Brittany S. Pierce **I thought you were a teacher

**Will Schuester **I am a teacher...

**Brittany S. Pierce **I didn't know teachers had facebook. I thought you stayed in school and marked books and slept in the classrooms.

_**23 people **like this_

**Finn Hudson **Is that true? I thought that was just a myth!

**Will Schuester **No, Brittany...I have an apartment. I don't live at the school.

**Brittany S. Pierce **But I swear I saw a mattress in your office one time last year

**Santana Lopez **can't argue with that logic.

_**14 people **like this_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones <strong>and **10 others **are attending the event **Night of Neglect**_

**Wes Leung **Night of...Neglect?

**Trent Daniels **What's a night of neglect? D:

**Jeff Nicholls **I'm not even gonna lie. This event sounds sinister.

**Santana Lopez **Kurt, your prep buddies are such pansies.

**Thad Scott **You mock us, sir!

**Santana Lopez **the Night of Neglect is where all us glee clubbers come to school on a cold, dark night and sing haunting siren melodies, thus luring innocent human beings into the choir room and torturing them to death.

_**Kurt Hummel **like this_

**Trent Daniels **OMG.

**Nick Parker **And I thoughPt Wes was scary.

**Rachel Berry **What are you talking about, Santana? The Night of Neglect is an show where we sing songs by neglected artists in the auditorium.

**Santana Lopez **Jeez, thanks a lot for ruining the fun, Berry.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sunshine Corazon <strong>is attending the event **Night of Neglect**_

**Rachel Berry **I'm still not happy about this.

**Noah Puckerman **Cool it, Rachel. It's the least we can do after you sent her to a freakin crack house.

_**15 people **like this_

**Rachel Berry **Can everyone stop going on about the crack house incident? It happened like a year ago!

**Sunshine Corazon **A hobo took my Hello Kitty backpack :(

**Rachel Berry **Good! I hope he uses it to stash his cocaine!

**Noah Puckerman **LOL ^^^

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>Aha! I knew it! **Sunshine Corazon **doesn't have 600 twitter followers, she has 597! She's a fraud! And a spy!

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Rachel, no-one cares...

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>to **Blaine Anderson **Do you want to come to the Night of Neglect with me?

**Blaine Anderson **Isn't that the sinister event that Santana was talking about?

**Kurt Hummel **Ignore Satan. She was just messing with you.

**Blaine Anderson **I'm not sure...

**Kurt Hummel **pleaase? There's gonna be saltwater taffy!

**Blaine Anderson **Oh, okay. You know I'm a sucker for some good saltwater :)

**Kurt Hummel **Yay! *hugs*

* * *

><p><strong>Mike Chang <strong>is practising for my Bubble Toes dance :L

**Tina Cohen-Chang **I'm not happy with the amount of time you've been spending with that mop :/

**Mike Chang **You know I love you more than a stupid mop. You know why?

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Why? :)

**Mike Chang **Because she's not Asian :)

_**Tina Cohen-Chang **likes this_

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Aww! *asian kisses*!

**Mike Chang ***Asian kisses*

**Santana Lopez **I don't see what distinguishes your kisses as 'asian kisses'.

**Mike Chang **Because we're both Asian.

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Duh.

**Santana Lopez **Oh, how stupid of me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sandy Ryerson <strong>is attending the event **Night of Neglect**_

**Noah Puckerman **?

**Finn Hudson **Isn't this the guy who got fired due to inappropriate conduct with male students?

**Sandy Ryerson **That's right, kids. Y'all just got poked. Poked by the dagger!

**Finn Hudson **:O

**Noah Puckerman ***shudders*

* * *

><p><strong>Dave Karofsky <strong>the schools hallways are covered in fairy dust from those two fags prancing around the place **via iPhone**

_**Azimio Adams **likes this_

**Blaine Anderson **Really, Karofsky, cuz I saw a decent amount of fairy dust trailing behind you after you ran off in the hallway.

**Dave Karofsky **DON'T PUSH ME HOMO

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>Well, Sunshine Corazon bailed on us. The audience is full of hecklers. Mercedes has locked herself in her car demanding to be carried in via egg. And we're out of saltwater taffy. **Via iPhone**

**Blaine Anderson **OMG WE'RE OUT OF TAFFY? D:

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>has just spent the Night of Neglect intermission with **Blaine Anderson **in the janitor's closet.

**Blaine Anderson **That was fun ;) Until that woman walked in on us.

**Kurt Hummel **How was I supposed to know that the janitorial closet was also Miss Holiday's office?

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>Well, i'd say that tonight was a success. Despite the fact that we ended up with an audience of two people and we ran out of taffy.

**Blaine Anderson **I only got to eat one piece of taffy :( And I'm still hungry.

**Kurt Hummel **I'm hungry too. Hungry for some Blaine ;)

**Blaine Anderson **;)

**Finn Hudson **OMG you guys, get a room.

**Blaine Anderson **Good idea. Janitor's closet, Kurt?

**Kurt Hummel **I think we'd better use the choir room this time.

**Brad **DON'T CLIMB ON MY PIANO.

**A/N So sorry about the lack of Klaine in this chapter, there was literally 2 minutes of Klaine in Night of Neglect that I had to work from. I apologize. :)**

**Please review! Every review makes my heart go fuzzy :)**


	6. Born This Way

**Finn Hudson **can't believe I hit Rachel in the face during rehearsal today :/

_**13 people **like this_

**Rachel Berry **Perhaps everyone who liked this status would have some conscience after I inform you that my nose is in fact BROKEN.

_**300 people **like this_

**Rachel Berry **SERIOUSLY?

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>is now friends with **Dave Karofsky**

_**Dave Karofsky **likes this_

**Finn Hudson **DISLIKE!

**Noah Puckerman **Uh...what the hell?

**Wes Leung **WTF.

**Artie Abrams **Aw, what da helll?

_**15 people **like this_

**Mercedes Jones **Call me, white boy!

**Jeff Nicholls **When I look at this, all I see is 'Innocent Victim' is now friends with 'Hulking Neanderthal'.

**Blaine Anderson **Uhh, Kurt? PM me?

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>posted a photo

**Rachel Berry **This photo is a simple representation of what I, Rachel Berry, will look like after the nose reduction procedure.

**Tina Cohen-Chang **DISLIKE

**Finn Hudson **Rachel, you can't do this :( You're beautiful.

**Quinn Fabray **FINN!

**Finn Hudson ***sigh* What did I do now?

**Quinn Fabray **PM me!

**Noah Puckerman **I agree with Finn, Berry. You're disowning your Hebraic lifestyle and that's just not cool.

**Brittany S. Pierce **this photo looks like you and Quinn's love child

_**16 people **like this_

**Mercedes Jones **That's just awkward...

**Noah Puckerman **omg that's hot. I totally ship Faberry.

**Sam Evans **me too XD Quinchel forever!

**Noah Puckerman **dude. It's called Faberry.

**Sam Evans **Quinchel.

**Noah Puckerman **Faberry!

**Sam Evans **Quinchel!

**Noah Puckerman **FABERRY!

**Sam Evans **QUINCHEL!

**Quinn Fabray **OMG STFU RACHEL AND I ARE NOT DATING.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>_changed his schools from **Dalton Academy **to **William McKinley High School **_

_**13 people** like this_

**Blaine Anderson** Why did you have to leave? Who's going to support my crazy ideas in the Warblers meetings now?

_**Wes Leung, David Smith** and **Thad Howard** like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>Somewhere Only We Know – my new favorite song :)) **via iPhone**

_**16 people **like this_

**Thad Howard **you have no idea how long it took for us to persuade Blaine not to pick a Katy Perry song...

**Kurt Hummel **Blaine Warbler! Is that true! *is angry*

**Blaine Anderson **what's wrong with Katy Perry? I mean, you liked our Katy Perry performance last November! 'Teenage Dream' is our song!

**Kurt Hummel **okay, first of all, Teenage Dream is NOT our song...and secondly, which Katy Perry song were you even going to pick? Because I can't think of one which would have been relevant to the occasion.

**Wes Leung **he was actually considering 'E.T'

**Trent Daniels **And 'Last Friday Night'.

**Kurt Hummel **seriously? None of these songs would have been appropriate to the occasion.

**David Smith **I think 'Peacock' was on the list, too.

**Kurt Hummel **BLAINE ANDERSON! YOU WERE CONSIDERING SERENADING ME WITH 'PEACOCK' IN THE COURTYARD IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL?

**Wes Leung **Uh oh, you know he's angry when he uses Blaine's actual last name...

**Blaine Anderson **:( I didn't want to pick a sad song...I didn't want to cry

**Kurt Hummel **...Awhh...

**David Smith **lol, epic fail. You DID cry.

**Thad Howard **by the way, when you cry, your triangles turn upside-down.

**Blaine Anderson **my...triangles?

**Wes Leung **he means your eyebrows.

_**8 people **like this_

**Blaine Anderson **what...? my eyebrows aren't triangular!

**Trent Daniels **yes they are.

**Wes Leung **yep, they are.

**David Smith **yup, your eyebrows are totally triangular.

**Thad Howard **they're like pyramids

**Jeff Nicholls **they're like glossy black boomerangs.

**Blaine Anderson **I'm telling you guys, my eyebrows ARE NOT triangular. Help me out here, Kurt!

**Kurt Hummel **Blaine. We've always been honest with each other, right?

**Blaine Anderson **...yeah?

**Kurt Hummel **Well, now is no exception. Your eyebrows are triangles, Blaine.

**Blaine Anderson **NOOOOO! :(

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>is self conscious about his eyebrows.

_**20 people **like this_

**Rachel Berry **if it's any consolation, Blaine, I'm extremely self-conscious about my nose...

**Blaine Anderson **I hate to be rude, Rachel, but please stay off my status. You're a bad memory.

_**Kurt Hummel **likes this_

**Kurt Hummel **I think your triangles are adorable :)

**Blaine Anderson **I think YOU'RE adorable :))

**Noah Puckerman ***vomits*

**Wes Leung **^^^ aaand once again, the number one Klaine shipper is in denial.

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>posted a photo

**Rachel Berry **This is a sharper image of what I will look like after the nose job procedure. I hope you can see the improvements more clearly.

**Santana Lopez **this totally looks like a mug shot.

**Rachel Berry **What?

**Santana Lopez **you look like one of those shady rapists you see in the newspaper.

**Rachel Berry **:(

**Thad Howard **Ignore her, Rachel. I think you look like Jessica Alba.

**Rachel Berry **Thank you :)

**Thad Howard **;)

**Rachel Berry **:)

**Finn Hudson **dude, back off!

**Quinn Fabray **FINN!

**Finn Hudson **What did I do now?

**Quinn Fabray **PM ME NOW!

* * *

><p><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang <strong>thinks there's not enough Asian sex-symbols in today's society.

_**Mike Chang **likes this_

**Wes Leung ***cough cough*

**Thad Howard **^^^ lol Wes thinks he's sexy.

**Wes Leung **I am sexy!

**Thad Howard **LMAO no you're not

**Wes Leung **even ask my girlfriend!

**Thad Howard **your gavel doesn't count

**Wes Leung **OMG I AM NOT IN RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GAVEL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE!

**Tina Cohen-Chang **I can't believe people are actually commenting on my status :)

* * *

><p><em><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>is in a relationship with_ _**Dave Karofsky**_

**Blaine Anderson ***spits out coffee* WTF?

**Noah Puckerman **this relationship actually makes me vomit. I'm seriously not lying this time.

**Brittany S. Pierce **thats gross.

_**25 people **like this_

**Kurt Hummel ***cough*beards*cough*

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>has decided not to go through with the nose job :)

_**Finn Hudson **likes this _

**Kurt Hummel **the Barbravention was a success! :D

**Quinn Fabray **so I drove ten miles down to the clinic and spent two hours getting my picture taken for nothing?

_**14 people** like this_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Artie Abrams <strong>posted a video - **New Directions: Born This Way**_

**Wes Leung **those shirts are amazing :D

**Thad Howard **we need to get one for Jeff saying 'douchebag'

**Jeff Nicholls **we need to get one for Thad saying 'square bastard'

**Trent Daniels **LOL

**Jeff Nicholls **and one for Trent that says 'fatass'

**Trent Daniels **DISLIKE

**David Smith **lol you guys we should get one for Blaine that says 'triangular eyebrows'

**Blaine Anderson **...oh my god...

**Thad Howard **Actually, I think he's too busy drooling over Kurt in this video to care about eyebrow jokes.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>to **Kurt Hummel** YOU. MY HOUSE. NOW.

_**Kurt Hummel **likes this_

* * *

><p><strong>AN **So that was the Born This Way chapter for y'all! I loved the amount of reviews I got for the last chapter...every time I get one, I squeal and my heart goes fuzzy :) So please review!

Also, can you drop me some middle name suggestions in the reviews too? I feel particular uninspired in that area. Thanks :)


	7. Rumours

_**A/N **_**Sooo...my deepest apologies for not updating in over 2 weeks. You know what writer's block is like, right? It's awful and depressing. Anyway, I give you: Rumours!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Brittany S. Pierce <strong>is now friends with **Lord Tubbington**_

**Santana Lopez **You made a facebook profile for your cat?

**Brittany S. Pierce **What are you talking about? lord tubbington made the profile himself.

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Cats can't make facebook profiles, Brittany.

**Brittany S. Pierce **lord tubbington is good with computers

**Lord Tubbington **damn straight

**_15 people _**_like this_

**Tina Cohen-Chang **please don't tell me your cat actually wrote that ^^

**Brittany S. Pierce **lord tubbington is very talented

**_Lord Tubbington _**_likes this_

**Wes Leung **Jokes aside, I honestly cannot believe you made a facebook profile for your cat.

**Jeff Nicholls **you're one to talk! You made a profile for your gavel last year!

_**12 people **like this_

**Wes Leung **shut up! That was different x[

**Jeff Nicholls **why, cuz it's an inanimate object?

**Wes Leung **WARBLER JEFF YOU SHALL NOT INSULT THE AUTHORITY OF THE ALMIGHTY GAVEL.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>misses **Kurt Hummel **already :/ **via iPhone**

**_Thad Howard _**_likes this _

**Thad Howard **Yeah, we all know – you keep skulking off, downing your sorrows in medium drips and listening to 'Blackbird' on repeat.

**_13 people _**_like this_

**Blaine Anderson **No I don't!

**Trent Daniels **You're doing it right now.

**_10 people _**_like this_

**Kurt Hummel **Aww, Blaine. I miss you too :)

**Mercedes Jones **damn straight he does! Every time he opens his locker, he stares at his Blaine shrine for at least a minute.

**Blaine Anderson **He has a shrine of me in his locker?

**Kurt Hummel **MERCEDES!

**Mercedes Jones **hell yeah he does! It's been there since the first day he met you.

**_Trent Daniels, Thad Howard _**_and _**_Jeff Nicholls _**_like this_

**Thad Howard **LMAO!

**Kurt Hummel ***blushes violently*

**Blaine Anderson **Really? So THAT'S why you asked for a photograph of me the first time we met XD

**Kurt Hummel **I am dreadfully embarrassed.

**Blaine Anderson **I think it's cute :)

**Kurt Hummel **I think you're cute :)

**Blaine Anderson **;)

**Thad Howard **guys, I'm gonna stop you right there. I think you should get your PDA and take it to Private Messaging. Y'know, before this turns into public cybersex.

**_Santana Lopez _**_likes this_

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>is on stakeout with **Finn Hudson **:D **via iPhone**

**Quinn Fabray **Finn Hudson! Why are you staking out with RACHEL?

**Finn Hudson **because we're making sure that a certain blonde former cheerio isn't getting it on with a certain big-lipped blondie.

**Quinn Fabray **OMG FINN PM ME NOW!

**Finn Hudson **sorry I don't know how to PM on iPhone :/

**Quinn Fabray **I am not cheating on you with Sam!

**Finn Hudson **You cheated on me with Puck, and you cheated on Sam with me. Why should I trust you?

**Trent Daniels **Wow. So much drama goes on in New Directions.

**Thad Howard **lmao. Who needs soap operas when I could just log in to Facebook and look on my News Feed?

* * *

><p><em><strong>Brittany S. Pierce <strong>is no longer in a relationship with **Artie Abrams**_

**Wes Leung **let me guess, Artie rolled over Lord Tubbington's tail with his wheelchair and you broke up with him

**Brittany S. Pierce **artie called me stupid :(

**Artie Abrams **I don't understand why you got so upset, Brittany...I mean, you wrote 'I'm with stoopid' on your Born This Way shirt...

**Santana Lopez **Touche, FOUR EYES, but maybe you're forgetting that that happened two weeks ago and is therefore irrelevant.

**Artie Abrams **truth...

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>I would like to address the harsh rumors circulating around the school that last night, **Dave Karofsky **and I went on a wild, sexual escapade around the school, doing it in every classroom, the library, on the principal's desk and the cafeteria, using up all the whipped cream and chocolate sauce from the refrigerator in the process, before proceeding to have rough, hard sex in the back of his truck. I am confirming these rumors to be 100% true.

**Thad Howard **I did not need to know that...

**Trent Daniels ***sheilds eyes* I am mentally scarred!

**Wes Leung **my news feed was nice and clean and professional before I added the New Directions.

**Kurt Hummel **Santana, I think he missed a spot – there's still some whipped cream in YOUR BEARD.

_**18 people **like this_

**Jeff Nicholls **If these rumors are true, Karofsky must be taking a shitload of Viagra...

_**25 people **like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Dave Karofsky <strong>luvs Santanna lopez :)

_**Santana Lopez **likes this_

**Wes Leung **…

**Thad Howard **I lol'd

**Jeff Nicholls **this relationship makes me LMAO and barf at the same time

**Wes Leung **Still, it's nice to see Karofsky posting something on his profile which isn't something to do with the Buckeyes...or Farmville.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Lord Tubbington <strong>likes the pages **Smoking **and **Drinking**_

**Brittany S. Pierce **Lord Tubbington! I thought you were giving up :(

**Lord Tubbington **that's not how I roll

**Brittany S. Pierce **but you promised! And you're not following your Atkins diet either :(

**Lord Tubbington **I've had enough of that nasty cheese

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Am I the only one who is confused about the mechanics of this conversation?

**_35 people _**_like this_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>created the poll:** Klaine or Kum?** _

**Kurt Hummel **Oh dear god, what is this.

**Santana Lopez **Well since you've been fooling around with Trouty Mouth I just wanted to create a poll to see which relationship is more popular.

**Kurt Hummel **I AM NOT FOOLING AROUND WITH SAM!

**Wes Leung **Kum... *sniggers*

**Thad Howard **I think the term 'Hevans' is more appropriate.

**Wes Leung **are you kidding, 'kum' sounds awesome.

**Thad Howard **It's called Hevans!

**Wes Leung **Kum!

**Thad Howard **HEVANS!

**Wes Leung **KUM!

**Thad Howard **HEVANS!

**Kurt Hummel **OH MY GOD GUYS I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH SAM!

**Brittany S. Pierce **I want to vote for klaine but I'm confused...the options say 'froggy lips' and 'tri-brows'...which am I supposed to click on?

**Kurt Hummel **JUST DELETE THIS POLL NOW.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany S. Pierce <strong>wants to know why **Santana Lopez **isn't coming on Fondue For Two with me tonight :(

**Santana Lopez **I can't do it, Britts. I'm sorry

**Lord Tubbington **Santana isn't coming? Where am I going to get my cigars from now? :/

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>In response to **Kurt Hummel**'s ridiculous denial concerning his motel visits to Sam, I would like to inform him that his actions are highly conspicuous. I saw Sam in Spanish class today wearing bright purple jeans and a beige trench coat. And a bowtie, no less!

**Kurt Hummel **Oh, is this my cue to list the faults of the outfit you wore today?

**Rachel Berry **I'm simply accusing you of infidelity.

**Kurt Hummel **Oh my god, why does no-one believe me?

**Blaine Anderson **Kurt. Can you PM me? Please?

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>

Blaine, please don't tell me you believe those rumors about Sam and I.

**Blaine Anderson **

Why were you with him in that motel room? Did you know that there's rumors going around that you're having threesomes with Sam and Quinn now? :/

**Kurt Hummel**

Oh dear god. These rumors have got to end.

Sam's house got repossessed a few weeks ago and now he's homeless. I'm simply letting him borrow some of my clothes.

**Blaine Anderson**

Then...why isn't Sam on facebook denying the rumors?

**Kurt Hummel**

His laptop got repossessed too. Well, actually, some bailiffs threw it out the window.

**Blaine Anderson **

Oh.

**Kurt Hummel **

Yes. Oh.

**Blaine Anderson**

I'm so sorry for doubting you :( How can I make it up to you?

**Kurt Hummel**

You'd better get your sweet ass over to my house right now and find out ;)

**Blaine Anderson **

I'm on my way! ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson<strong> is confirming to everyone that the intense rumor circulating the school is in fact FALSE.

**Santana Lopez **which rumor? - the one about you being conceived on a pinball machine?

**Finn Hudson **No!

**Santana Lopez **So that rumor is true?

**Finn Hudson **No!

**Carole Hudson-Hummel **^^^ that rumor is actually true

**Finn Hudson **MOM!

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>I somehow assumed that my punishment for doubting Kurt was not going to involve lugging shopping bags around the mall for him... **via Blackberry**

**Kurt Hummel **Well, how else was I going to replace all the clothes I gave to Sam? OMG Blaine, look! 40% off bowties sale at Macy's! **via iPhone**

**Blaine Anderson **can we make out after this? **via Blackberry**

* * *

><p><strong>Sam Evans <strong>would like to thank **Finn Hudson **for donating his Power Rangers bedspread to me :D

**Santana Lopez **Oh my god, I can't believe I used to date you.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Okay, okay, I know this chapter sucked, don't kill me...**

**And by the way, the 4th section IS a personal jab at the lack of continuity this season. Lmao.**

**Anway, please review :D**


	8. Prom Queen

**Okay guys, sorry for not updating in a while!**

**My life has been hectic recently, with exams and everything, PLUS, I WENT TO SEE GLEE LIVE ON THE 23rd – I MET CURT MEGA AND RIKER LYNCH (OTHERWISE KNOWN AS NICK AND JEFF, THE THREE-SIX MAFIA! WHOO!) SERIOUSLY, WE STALKED THOSE BOYS EVERYWHERE. I TOOK PICTURES CONSTANTLY AND RIKER WAS BEGINNING TO GET PRETTY IRRITATED AT ME. THE GOOD BIT IS, WE MANAGED TO GET THEM ALONE IN A CAFE, SO WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WRESTLE THROUGH CRAZY FANS TO GET TO THEM. THE BEST PART IS – THE GLEE CAST HAVE NOW ACKNOWLEDGED MY EXISTENCE!**

**OH, AND THE CONCERT WAS BREATHTAKING – THE CAST ARE ALL SO INSPIRING AND TALENTED AND I WAS LITERALLY METRES AWAY FROM CHRIS COLFER AND HIS 'SINGLE LADIES' DANCE AND THE WARBER'S 'TEENAGE DREAM' OH GOD IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.**

**ANYYYWAYY, I give you: Prom Queen!**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray<em> **and **_254 others_ **are attending the event **_William Mckinley High School Junior Prom_**

* * *

><p><strong>Sam Evans <strong>is looking forward to going to prom with **Mercedes Jones **and **Rachel Berry!**

_**15 people **like this_

**Noah Puckerman **what I don't understand is why Rachel asked Sam to prom, he rejected her, but when Rachel and MERCEDES ask him to prom, he accepts?

**Wes Leung **What I'm getting from this is: Sam likes Mercedes!

**Thad Howard **a new relationship is born!

**Wes Leung **Samcedes. I ship it.

**Jeff Nicholls **...or Jevans. That sounds pretty awesome.

**Nick Parker **What happened to Quam?

**David Smith **that ended _ages _ago, Nick! Get with the times!

**Nick Parker **It's not my fault! My internet was off for two weeks! I have to check your News Feed every two minutes to keep up with the New Directions, I swear!

**Sam Evans **Uh, guys? Can you like, not have this discussion on my status?

_**14 people **like this_

**David Smith **sorry.

**Nick Parker **sorry...

**Finn Hudson **Sam, I thought you were poor. How are you using facebook?

**Sam Evans **I'm using some half-broken Nokia I found in the street and I'm stealing WiFi from McDonalds.

**Finn Hudson **oh.

**Sam Evans **yes. Oh.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>_**is attending ****_William McKinley High School Junior Prom _**

_**Kurt Hummel **likes this_

**Kurt Hummel ***jumps and squeals* I can't wait!

**Blaine Anderson **you're too cute x] have you rented your tux yet?

**Kurt Hummel **Oh, I'm not buying a tux from Endzo's! I'm making my outfit myself, from scratch. It's going to be an elaborate tribute to both the Royal Wedding and the late Alexander McQueen. I'm nearly finished – I just need a sash and maybe some beads :)

_**5 people **like this_

**Blaine Anderson **...I have a bad feeling about this.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>posted a photo_

**Santana Lopez **this is my prom dress. I look hot, right?

_**Kurt Hummel **likes this_

**David Karofsky **you look SEXY!111

**Wes Leung **do you know what would make you even more sexy, Santana?

**Santana Lopez **what is it, Other Other Asian?

**Wes Leung **If you shave off the beard.

_**19 people **like this_

**Santana Lopez **I have no idea what you're talking about.

* * *

><p><strong>Artie Abrams <strong>has no-one to go to prom with :(

**Noah Puckerman **dude, you're in a wheelchair. How would you be able to dance anyway?

**Rachel Berry **Didn't Artie get a Rewalk machine for Christmas which enables him to stand up?

_**7 people **like this_

**Mercedes Jones **I forgot about that...

**Noah Puckerman **That's actually a good point. What the hell happened to that machine?

**Artie Abrams **Brittany thought it was a transformer and tried to assemble it into a cat.

**Rachel Berry **a...cat?

**Artie Abrams **Yes. Long story short, it broke.

**Brittany S. Pierce **it's not my fault it looked just like a transformer

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>is proud to announce that **Jesse St. James **is joining Sam and Mercedes and I on our prom-on-a-budget!

_**Jesse St. James **likes this_

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Jesse St. James? You mean the guy you dated a year and a half ago who used you, pressured you into sex, tricked you, manipulated you, broke your heart intentionally, egged your face for no reason, left you and cut off all contact for a year?

**Rachel Berry **Yes.

**Tina Cohen-Chang **and you're letting him take you to prom?

**Rachel Berry **he did apologize.

**Jeff Nicholls ***munching on popcorn* So much drama!

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>is irritated that no-one appreciates the ensemble I put together for prom.

**Finn Hudson **I liked it! Like I said, it's like Braveheart!

**Kurt Hummel **...thank you, Finn, but my outfit was supposed to honor Alexander McQueen, not Mel Gibson.

**Blaine Anderson **I do appreciate your efforts, Kurt, I'm just worried about what might happen.

**Kurt Hummel **Whatever.

**Finn Hudson **Kurt can I have another glass of warm milk plz

**Kurt Hummel **GET YOUR OWN DAMN MILK.

**Finn Hudson **o.O

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>is ready for another day of fighting hallway crime with my ally **Dave Karofsky**! **via iPhone**

**Kurt Hummel **Can I just say that this Bully Whips thing is getting beyond ridiculous? **via Blackberry**

**Santana Lopez **hey, can it, teen gay! You should be grateful for the work we're doing to protect your ass from bullies! **via iPhone**

**Kurt Hummel **If I'm going to be walking around with members of the Bully Whips all day, you could at least get a better uniform. Red is out this season, and so are berets. And seriously – lycra? **via Blackberry**

**Santana Lopez **You see that? You possess the very stereotypically gay traits which are causing you to be harassed every day. **via iPhone**

**Kurt Hummel **I'm walking away from you now. **via Blackberry**

* * *

><p><strong>Dave Karofsky <strong>posted **something **on **Kurt Hummel**'s wall

**Kurt Hummel **You sent me a virtual muffin basket?

**Dave Karofsky **as a token of my apology

**Kurt Hummel **Um...thanks, I guess...

**Dave Karofsky **it cost me 50 facebook credits

**Nick Parker **wow, you must have harvested a shitload of crops on Farmville to afford that.

_**18 people **like this_

**Dave Karofsky **so will you forgive me?

**Kurt Hummel **Okay. I forgive you.

**Dave Karofsky **cool.

**Dave Karofsky **could you...delete this post? I don't want Azimio to know i'm talking to you.

**Kurt Hummel **Of course.

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn Fabray <strong>It's Prom Night! Can't wait to become Prom Queen!

**Quinn Fabray **like this status if you voted for Fuinn!

**Quinn Fabray **anyone? Guys?

* * *

><p><strong>Sam Evans <strong>has just finished performing Friday! Wooo!** via Facebook Mobile**

_**50 people **like this_

**Stacie Evans **sammy, come home soon. There are people in other motel rooms making weird noises again. :( it's scaring me.

* * *

><p><strong>Artie Abrams <strong>sitting in Miss Sylvester's office fearing for my life **via iPhone**

**Noah Puckerman **Too bad, dude...

**Artie Abrams **aren't you going to help me?

**Noah Puckerman **sorry, can't – I have a cougar to dance with a crown to win ;)

**Artie Abrams **OH GOD SHE'S DOING PAINFUL, ILLEGAL THINGS TO ME. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.

**Wes Leung **do you think we should call the police?

**Jeff Nicholls **that's it! I'm transferring to McKinley next year. This school is awesome.

**Artie Abrams **GUYS SERIOUSLY MY MOLARS IN IN DANGER.

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>just got kicked out of prom :/

**Blaine Anderson **couldn't you have waited until after my solo before you started a fight? **via iPhone**

**Finn Hudson **it's not my fault Jesse was all over Rachel like that! Couldn't you have sung a less upbeat song?

**Blaine Anderson **you still like Rachel, don't you?

**Finn Hudson **no! I just...really care about her.

**Blaine Anderson **Yeah...I've been there.

* * *

><p><strong>Mike Chang <strong>Well...that was unexpected. **via iPhone**

_**296 people **like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>A message to all you cruel people who voted me for Prom Queen – are you happy? Happy that you sabotaged an entire event just to humiliate me? Well, it didn't work. I had an awesome crown and sceptre and an amazing boyfriend. Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton.

(and Quinn)

**Blaine Anderson **I'm so proud of you, Kurt :)

**Kurt Hummel **Thank you, Blaine. I will admit that the kilt might have over-done it...

**Blaine Anderson **Wanna know a secret?

**Kurt Hummel** Yes?

**Blaine Anderson **I loved the kilt. You looked damn sexy.

**Burt Hummel **DISLIKE.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN So I wrote this chapter at like, 3AM so forgive me for the general suckishness of it. **_


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